Hola!
Como estas?
Todo bien contigo?
(Sorry, I know I’m not using those little upside-down, Spanish question marks, like I should be.)
Theo, my 15 year old, asked if I planned to write articles entirely in another language?
My Spanish is good, my French is rusty, and my Italian is basic, but Google can fill in the rest.
Es possible.
Vamos a ver.
But today, rather than write an article en Español, I’d like to pivot another way.
I’ve told you this blog would cover a variety of topics.
(Culture and Lifestyle is intentionally broad.)
For certain, I’d like to lean in to discussing contemporary ideas about mental health, as few topics are more important, yet wildly misunderstood.
To start, I thought we’d do a brief examination of one of the mental-health terms being widely adopted, but vague enough to be confusing:
Boundaries.
I’ll break it down for you, using my own definition.
Boundaries are the rules we envision, create, and enforce, within relationships, in order to feel safe, respected, appreciated, and understood.
Relationships are mutually-agreed-upon exchanges of human energy, and that can take many forms.
Verbal communication, physical intimacy, business networking, leisure activities, non-verbal communication, work environments… it’s endless.
Relationships vary so greatly, in so many contexts, from a wife to a child to a parent to a partner to a boss to a colleague to a friend to a rival.
Some relationships don’t always allow boundaries, of course, as in the case of employers, where one party is disempowered.
This “feeling” was so powerful in the Zeitgeist, across American culture, it lead to The Great Resignation, as younger Millennials, and Gen Z are more open about mental health.
In the relationships we DO get to choose, (or have any control over,) boundaries are like the 10 Commandments.
Boundaries set down the structure of a relationship.
What one person will tolerate, or deem acceptable, and what they won’t.
(Assuming healthy relationships go far beyond mere “tolerance of the other person’s existence.”)
Boundaries, therefore, are super-valuable, if we employ them properly.
But they can be equally threatening to people who might have transgressed our boundaries, before they were sturdily in place, and then find the new protections inconvenient.
Boundaries are meant to keep us safe, but only we can make them.
I wrote the other day about a friend’s betrayal, and subsequent contrition.
How I chose to accept an apology, with the proper context.
I mentioned my teen-ager was giving me the business too.
Turns out, I’d harbored suspicions for a while that something was amiss.
Teen-agers are typically angsty, but Theo was manifesting behavior I wasn’t used to seeing from him.
When he began transgressing certain boundaries, simple ones, like being nice, and not snapping at family members, (with an excuse of exhaustion, or a food crash,) I could point to the changes.
The boundaries/rules were in place, so once they were broken, it made it easier to ask why?
I’m not going into any details, out of respect for Theo, but as parents, because we have certain rules in place, and we enforce them, and stay consistent, it provides a framework of trust for the kids.
Theo eventually got himself in trouble, to create a scenario where he could unburden his mind, and when he received compassion and love back, at the end of it all, it made him feel safe.
(Plus, he reads more books when he’s grounded.)
One place to start, if you’d like to employ boundaries in your life, is to ask:
Do I feel good about the way this person is treating me?
If so, great.
If not, why not?
Once you know the why not, is it a dealbreaker?
(Something egregious enough to end the relationship.)
What are your relationship dealbreakers?
That’s all for today, but I hope this offers some food for thought.
(And if you’ve read this far, please consider subscribing. You’ll get the blog right in your email inbox.)
Sunshine and Olly 
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