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Yin and Yang Rule The World
Jessie and the dogs on a walk this week
Yin and Yang are inseparable.
Conjoined opposites.
(Like Sunshine and Olly.)
I’ve had this conversation a few times the past week with some of my students.
The way it works is, when martial artists are first building themselves up, they need lots of Yin work to slowly activate the muscles, and fire up the body’s innate coordination.
(Yoga, Qi Gong, seated meditation, stretching, calisthenics.)
But once they’re strong enough for the Yang work, the proper fighting, (punching, kicking, knees, elbows, grappling, chokes, etc…) they never want to spend time on the Yin anymore.
The Yang stuff is THAT fun.
We all learn, though, too much Yang, and you burn out. Or get injured all the time.
Only with steady practice over many years do we develop our own balance, so we stay limber enough to be max-level-strong.
We need to continue to train our Yin, in order to enhance our Yang.
The water is required to help the fire go.
(Taoism is deep, bro.)
Catch you next time.
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Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?
On the podium for my NAGA silver medal in early December. (Photo by Amelie, who also got a silver. Her grandmother died the week before.)
Today is a national holiday in America, but I’m working later.
I’m down with honoring Dr Martin Luther King Jr, but have commitments, and aim to be there.
My life no longer revolves around the weekly deadline of an opinion-based photography column, nor consulting about photo books via Zoom, but these days, people IRL depend on me.
I have a regular Monday appointment, and am not rescheduling for the good Dr.
(Will definitely take a moment to think about him, though. Big ups for all you did for America!)
By now, if you’re reading this, you’ll likely remember I haven’t blogged for a very long time.
No emails have turned up in your inbox, nor reminders on social media to go check out my musings.
For the better part of 11 years, my life was defined by sharing thoughts, (and vitally personal details) about my life, with a global internet audience, every week, come rain or snow.
Having a weekly, public diary on APE was my primary artistic outlet, which went a long way towards whatever self-care I was afforded, in that decade+ phase.
Sharing, and at times over-sharing, was required, in order to outboard my stress, and process my life experiences.
In short, I was overly reliant on it, and once I left the industry at the beginning of last year, of course I started Sunshine and Olly to make sure the writing/blogging/public journaling outlet was available to me.
Bit by bit, though, as 2023 unspooled, I found myself taking less and less solace in this process.
Denied the large audience my bigger platforms once afforded, (The New York Times is as big as they come,) I began to question for whom I was writing anymore?
More importantly, I questioned whether I really needed approval from an amorphous, digital audience anyway?
(Especially at a time when it was CRYSTAL clear that swaths of the readership now considered me an old, cis, white-guy-Jew, of low status, rendering my opinions less valuable.)
Once, I craved the approval.
Sure.
I know that.
But 2023 pushed me so hard, in so many ways, to figure out my shit, that I’m actually healthy for the first time ever.
Fit, strong, and helping other people get that way, via one of the other passions I developed the past 10 years: martial arts.
I talk with my clients about how important it is to diversify our stress outlets, so we’re not overly reliant on any one at a given time.
2023 taught me the more I invested in getting my body right, to help my mind and heart, the better off I was.
Creative practice is vital, but if we put too much on it, and don’t develop concomitant stress/health outlets, the pressure degrades creativity.
Not good.
If I write here now, it’s because I feel compelled.
Because I have a damn good reason.
Because something of significance happens, that’s worth processing, or sharing.
In this case, right before my hiatus, (and trust me, LOTS of big things have happened since I went dark,) I wrote a piece about the value of the check-in.
How powerful it can be to let someone know you care.
Sure enough, last week, I got a (somewhat cryptic) email from Stan Banos, my most faithful reader over all the years. (Beyond my wife, of course.)
Because I’d gone dark on the blog, Stan wanted to see if I was OK?
Because he cares.
Oh man, what a lovely gesture. Thanks so much!
So here’s to you, Stan. If every now and again, I get a bug up my ass to write about something, (or someone,) at least I know you’re out there.
Paying attention.
Reading along.
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Making Moves.
Couple selfie, right after signing the lease. Jessie and I are making moves.
Yesterday, we signed a lease on a new mixed-use studio in the heart of Taos.
An A+ location, with parking and views of Taos Mountain.
She’ll use it for her therapy practice, and to teach dance, and Hip Hop Yoga.
I’ll use it to teach mixed martial arts, Yoga, Qi Gong, and as a photo studio.
To think how much has changed since I started Sunshine and Olly!
I have to check the dates, but it was almost exactly when I began training in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, which was itself a directive from my Jeet Kune Do Sifu, Lawrence Martinez.
The big man told me I couldn’t be a JKD instructor unless I studied BJJ to the point I could approach a Blue Belt level. (As a refresher, JKD is Bruce Lee’s mixed marital art.)
I put my head down, suffered a lot, and as you know, late this summer he gave me the instructor certificate. (Having proven I was sufficiently serious about grappling to track towards the Blue Belt.)
Now it’s mid-November, and as I wrote the other day, I’ve gotten the second stripe on my White Belt. Furthermore, I’m going to compete in NAGA, for the first time, in early December. (Having trained for 10 months straight.) On Saturday, in my first comp training match, I got a big win, both on points, and with two submissions.
The promotion, 3 weeks ago Today’s blog is about what can happen when you stay open, read the tea leaves, be willing to take risks, and persevere.
Anyone who’s read from the jump knows how unhappy I was in February.
It’s there in the archive.
(And while I might like to have more opportunities at present in the photo world, they’re not there, so it is what it is.)
Thankfully, having done some very hard work, my family and I are embarking on an exciting new journey.
We feel ready.
If I did it, you can too.
Obviously, I’ll write more about the new venture as we officially launch in 2024, but for today, I just wanted to share some good news.
For a change.
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The Power of the Check-In
Quick late-morning walk “Hi, how are you?”
Such powerful words.
The key to any good check-in message.
Of course, you could always go with “How’s it going?”
Or “What’s up?”
Regardless, the concept is the same.
You think of someone, then send them a text to let them know you care. That you’re curious what’s been going on in their lives.
So you take the time to ask. You express interest, and start a conversation.
Study after study shows how valuable this simple little action can be, yet so few people actually do it.
Now, I know how effective the check-in can be, because I used it for years. Looking in on, and after, people helped me build a solid, global network in the photo industry.
But during the early stages of the pandemic, as the stress was high, I decided to see what would happen if I stopped checking in on certain friends.
Ones with whom the friendship seemed one-sided.
Deep down, I knew I’d done all the outreach, all the time. So let’s test it, I thought.
Sure enough, with certain of those people, (and 2 for 2 on the first experiment,) I never heard from them again.
Poof!
The friendship was gone, all because I dropped the rope.
This year, as I’ve transitioned out of the photo world, (for lack of work,) I decided to stop checking on on certain people again.
Focus on my own life, and see how many people cared to check in on me.
Sad truth, not very many.
But because I’ve been working so hard to embrace this new life, new teaching path, new body, and new martial art, (BJJ,) my family and I are charging into the future.
That’s now, thankfully.
Earlier in the year, however, as the Sunshine and Olly archive attests, I was miserable.
Lonely.
Unhealthy.
Lacking community.Now I’m 40 lbs lighter, ripped, and just got my White Belt second stripe in jiu jitsu.
Sure, it hurts my feelings sometimes, knowing once I stopped doing the work, certain relationships fell by the wayside.
But it’s hard to build a new life while clinging to the vestiges of the old.
Onward.
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World Wars Start at Times Like This
Olly, Sunshine and Haley Here I am again.
Are you there?
Not sure I have an audience at the moment, but it’s all good.
As promised, I’m using Sunshine and Olly as a proper blog: a written diary of my thoughts and ideas, but (hopefully) coherent in a way that makes them interesting to you.
(Should you exist.)
Therefore, consider this a trigger warning, as I’m working through some major issues, and they will seem scary.
Right now, we’re about as close to World War III as we’ve been in a long time.
(Likely in my lifetime, but certainly since the degradation of the Soviet Union in the 1980’s.)
Even then, the US and the USSR had settled into a comfortable, detente situation, b/c of the theory of MAD.
Mutually Assured Destruction, due to equal-enough nuclear capabilities.
That was way later in its respective century, though. (The 20th, as opposed to our 21st.)
Better historical parallels to our time are comparable years in the 20th Century.
A massive pandemic, after World War I, in the teens, in the lead up to the Great Depression and World War II.
Unfortunately, my main man Barack Obama actually kicked this off back in 2012, when he backed out of his Red Line comments in Syria over chemical weapon use, then left the country to Putin.
He also let Vlad take Crimea and Donbas from Ukraine in 2014, with no significant pushback.
Yes, it was 10 years ago, but a lifetime dictator has the benefit of patience.
Putin’s 2022 War in Ukraine was his follow up move, once he realized he now had the power to fully destabilize the world, and engage in a proxy war with the US and Europe.
The second domino to fall was Nagorno-Karabakh, the autonomous Armenian enclave in Azerbaijan, which was taken by force back in September.
Russia normally supported Armenia, but distracted in Ukraine, they let it happen, as Turkey is the regional superpower backing the Azeris.
Domino 3 is personal to me, for obvious reasons, when Iran attacked Israel by proxy, via Hamas on October 7th.
I, like most American Jews, despise the apartheid occupation in the West Bank, and support some sort of a 2-state-solution.
I also think Hamas committing human atrocities against fellow Jews, in the name of terrorizing the world, is a world class dick move.
I hate those guys.
But this was really Iran testing America, through its alliance with Israel.
An obvious axis has emerged in the world: China, Russia, Iran, North Korea.
They mean business, and have encouraged or supported territorial aggression in places like Central Africa and Yemen.
If China takes the opportunity to jump in further, (by taking Taiwan,) as Iran has done, and continues to do by pushing War in Lebanon, the world is truly fucked.
We can only hope Xi Jinping shows restraint.
But the other side of that axis is the US, Europe, Canada, Australia, Japan, and likely Saudi Arabia. (India is wishful thinking.)
Xi and Putin have made great strides in Latin America and Africa, by playing off of legitimate gripes against the Colonialist West.
Much of the world is not rooting for US, and India and Canada are openly tussling, making an Anti-axis less stable.
In fighting, as in War, a distracted, weakened opponent is seen as an opportunity.
China knows this.
Hell, their society practically wrote the book, via Sun Tzu.
Which is why I’m concerned.
We should all be.
Time to pray for peace, and hope the US and Europe can show enough fang to represent the Democratic world, and keep the autocrats from making any more major moves.
(Fingers crossed.)
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Getting Healthy Breeds Success
Let’s see if this works.
I just went for a walk with Jessie, and wouldn’t you know it, but I took one photo of a green tree, against a yellow one, and then the blue sky.
I wasn’t thinking it might be the one photo that allowed me to blog today.
But here we are.
(A promise is a promise.)
Right now, I’m looking out the windows at the various colored leaves.
This week has been the most beautiful of the year.
75 degree days.
Perfect blue skies.
The occasional breeze to kiss your face, at just the right moments.
Part of how I’ve gotten to this place, (being the happiest, healthiest and fittest of my life,) is realizing it requires an all of the above strategy.
Exercise
Sleep
Proper diet
Community
Family
Creativity
Removal of toxic relationships
Going with the flow
Expressing Gratitude
Time in nature
Canine companionship
LearningIt’s a foundational approach, and if you’re not using all your tools, (or at least experimenting with them,) it’s hard to optimize.
For example, this was a breakthrough week for me in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
On Monday, I got my first, proper seminal moment. (And another on Tuesday too.)
When I had my first tap-outs, and first properly controlled match, they were both against teenagers.
Strong-ish teenagers, true, but still teenagers.
As I approached the dojo on Monday, getting there 30 min early for a stretch, I was very present, and noticed a guy walking in just before me, (he didn’t know I was there,) and though I only met him once, he’d been something of an antagonist.
And older gentleman, in his 60’s, probably, but the first time we rolled, he knew a technique I didn’t, and after a proper battle, he eked out a win.
Dude was strong, and had skill.
He looked at me and said, “I thought you’d gas out. Old guys always gas out.”
(A backhanded compliment if ever there were one.)
I’m sure steam came out of my ears, but I just smiled and walked away.
That night, there were promotions, and this guy, whom I’d never even seen in the dojo, got promoted to his second stripe White Belt.
(Apparently, he’d had health issues, which was why we he hadn’t been around.)
I want my second stripe, so that ground salt into the wound, but I just smiled, and that was that.
Monday evening, though, it was perfect weather, and I really didn’t want to be crammed into the stretching area with this guy.
We met once, he barely beat me, and was a proper dick about it.
So I stood still in the parking lot, took a breath, then another, and looked around.
It was so fucking beautiful.
The Taos Eco Park, with a great walking track, was just a three minute drive away.
So I turned on the spot, went back to the car, and ended up having 15 minutes of walking meditation, soaking up every second of the blue sky, the sun on my face, and the amazing light against Taos Mountain.
Then, I drove back to the dojo, feeling refreshed, with a calm, regular breathing pattern, which I was able to keep through class.
Wouldn’t you know it, but I ended up fighting the gentleman again, and we hadn’t so much as nodded to each other during class.
I was working from guard, and as I calmly looked up at him, he was snarling through his mouth guard, giving 100 percent effort in trying to crunch my entire frame into itself.
I opened my guard, brought my knees inside his chest, and before I knew what I was doing, I rolled my knee to a leg, and then pressed my right foot directly into his chest, as he crunched my body into itself.
He pressured so hard that he leaned forward, and in a flash, I hurled him over and behind me, literally kicking him into the sky, and he tumbled to the ground, when I quickly rose up and crushed him in side control.
My biggest win ever, by a big margin.
Even better, after class, he came up to me smiling, complimented my jiu jitsu, and asked if I’d show him the move I’d utilized.
8.5 months of grueling training, getting my ass kicked over and over, all the humbling, the sweat.
The injuries.
In that moment, it came flooding into my system as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin too.
Fuck, it felt amazing!
But if I hadn’t been in a good enough frame of mind to choose walking in the sun, and fresh air, instead of jamming myself into an airless loft, with an antagonist, just because I was inflexible?
The win never would have happened.
I needed to be properly relaxed to succeed.
So there’s the lesson for the day.
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I Cracked the Blogging Code
I figured out a way to blog again.
To find the inspiration.
(Obviously, it’s been lacking, as I haven’t blogged regularly for months.)
In Economics, there’s a term called “barriers to entry, ” which refers to structural obstacles to entering an industry, which can limit participants, and taken to extremes, encourage monopolistic behavior.
Part of why the photography and journalism industries have collapsed, to the degree they have, is that barriers to entry disappeared, in the (now digital) information dissemination industry.
And the advertising income streams that supported paper publishing didn’t transition to digital.
In my own experience here at Sunshine and Olly, I think having to worry about layout and photo editing made the whole endeavor feel like work.
It’s a modified version of the style I utilized at A Photo Editor, in the final two years of my long-running column. (11 years, weekly.)
It makes sense that I did what I knew how to do, but these days, just thinking of the whole rigamarole is such a hassle.
I like writing, though.
And I have a lot to say about a lot of things.
From the Israel/Hamas shitshow, to how I lost 40 lbs since I started this blog. (Give or take.)
I am the fittest I’ve ever been, and am now teaching my own blend of mixed martial arts, privately, instead of photography.
(Mostly because the industry collapsed, as I predicted in my final run at APE.)
No one wanted to hear me say it, (they hate Cassandra,) but the photo festival world now mostly hosts retired folks, because being retired, by definition, they don’t need to be making money.
The rest of us do.
And there’s very little to be had in photography.
So many people fighting for so few resources.
We’re back to Economics.
Supply and Demand.
But I want to wrap this up.
Here’s how I cracked the code for blogging again:
I go for a walk, make sure to take at least one nice photo, which will be the featured image for the day’s blog.
Then, I write whatever the fuck I want.
Some days, I’ll even do proper photo posts, b/c I did virtual portfolio reviews with LACP last month.
Regardless, hope you have a great day, and I’ll catch you next time.
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Learning to Be Healthy in America
I read an upsetting, but not surprising article this morning in The Washington Post.
It discussed the dire and shocking differences in American life expectancy, based upon race/class/neighborhood, and it’s something I’ve heard about before.
This journalism, though, also looked at the larger context of the decline in American life span, and the massive uptick in premature death during middle age.
(Like, 60% increase in death b/c of poverty, and 45% increase in rural areas.)
Diseases of despair, more than anything, are killing people off like flies.
(For the record, I’ve killed A LOT of flies lately. My hands are quick!)
I know I just tried to inject a little levity, but this is serious shit.
Phenomenal journalism by WaPo The biggest problem: an overall lack of emphasis on being healthy in the first place.
America tries to solve the problem with tech and money, once people are already sick. And it’s a colossal failure, given our massive expenditures and minimal results.
What to do?
Seems to me like the only way is to start teaching people how to be healthy, on a societal level.
I’m here to help.
Though I didn’t exactly intend to, over the last 10 months, I’ve dropped nearly 40 lbs.
I’m fitter, and more balanced, than I’ve been as an adult.
Having just done it, of course now I’m trying to inspire others, in particular by teaching my own MMA/Qi Gong/Yoga hybrid here in Taos.
In a previous blog, I told you I was training for my Jeet Kune Do instructor certificate, and it was awarded by my Sifu, Lawrence Martinez, back in August.
Sparring with Sifu, the day I got promoted 
This was 6 weeks ago, so I was still a bit about 6 lbs above my current weight. 
Certified in Jeet Kune Do and Rapid Assault Tactics, and now training to be a Yoga teacher too Jessie and I also joined the Yoga Teacher Certification program at UNM-Taos, as I’d been using Yoga so heavily to support my regular Brazilian Jiu Jitsu practice.
How I went from chronically stressed and overweight to fit, happy and healthy is a long story.
For today, though, I’ll give you at least some food for thought.
My biggest move, in the second half of 2022, was to try to extricate myself from toxic relationships.
With the help of my (then) psychotherapist, I had faith that getting all the cortisol out of my system, from people who didn’t treat me with appropriate respect, would eventually pay dividends.
The idea was, when we are in conflict, it’s super energy inefficient, because we spend so much of our Chi on digging out from trauma, and rebuilding.
Remove the trauma-causing relationships, (if possible,) and we can think about building anew, instead of always bailing water out of the boat.
The second easy tip is the Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, which Sifu Lawrence insisted I practice, in order to qualify as a JKD teacher.
It melts weight, if you can hack it.
Most people can’t, though, as it is an admittedly grueling and brutal sport.
In my own teaching practice, I’m trying to bring parts of what I’m learning, mashed together with so many other arts.
But if you do think you can handle BJJ, (the first class in all dojos is always free,) and you want to get tougher, stronger, smarter, fitter, and drop mad weight, I’d recommend it.
Plus, it counters loneliness, a topic I covered extensively here back in Winter.
Jessie Jacquez BJJ in Taos and Santa Fe is legit, for you Northern New Mexicans.
We’ll end here, but big shout out to Professor Jesse, who was in a horrific car accident the other night.
He’s OK, but I’m told it was bad.
Catch you next time!
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Heads Up: Photography Posts Are Back
Well, hello there!
Fancy meeting you in a blog like this?
How’s it going?
Did the summer treat you well?
(I’m asking because I want to know, so feel free to drop your response in the comment section, or hit me up on social media, should you care to.)
I got to photograph Lil Mike and Funnybone in early August, which was a highlight of my summer. 
Lil Mike 
Funnybone Today’s blog is all about getting back up onto the horse.
I feel like that’s what I did on the last post, (maybe a month ago,) but since I’m the boss, I’ll take any complaints under advisement.
As to what I’m here for today, it’s mostly to give you a preview of where things are headed this fall.
And the answer is… back to photography posts.
On Monday, for the first time this year, I participated in an online portfolio review event, for LACP. (An organization with whom I’ve done a bunch of collabs over the years.)
I must admit, it was different, re-engaging with the process after a 9 month break, but different in a good way.
All the work I’ve done on myself these past six months, (largely out of the public eye,) meant I was more patient, happy, and engaged than I’ve been in quite some time.
Lots of new things, since I last wrote, including my son becoming the kicker for the Taos Tigers. (So we went to our first game on Saturday.) 
Back at the portfolio review…
…watching the photographers get visibly pumped up (on their computer screens,) as I offered motivational, inspirational, creative advice, reminded me that I still feel a deep connection to photography and photographers.
And fortunately, I saw a few really cool projects.
So over the course of autumn, I’m going to share some portfolios with you, and introduce a handful of artists.
(Like I used to do back at A Photo Editor.)
The truth is, there is a dearth of photography related content these days, so we’ll use Sunshine and Olly to help arrest the decline.
There’s your heads up, and hope all is well.
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Visiting the Reservation Dogs
It’s hard to get back on the horse, after this long.
Now that I think about it, this past month, (without blogging,) is the biggest break I’ve had since September 2011.
That’s nuts. (And my apologies for leaving w/o saying goodbye.)
It’s not that I got tired of you.
Nor of blogging.
Rather, the further I got into writing my novel, the less mental and creative energy I had left over.
I’m nearly done, but this final stretch has been the longest, and most difficult. (Probably not surprising, now that I think about it. Sticking the landing is always tough.)
Given I still had to work, and my kids have been home from school the last 2.5 months, really, there wasn’t much to do but pare down.
I wanted to keep up with you guys, and tell you what was happening, but that extra bit of juice eluded me.
Lots of Jiu Jitsu, a couple of injuries, (including my first cauliflower ear,) and then the big gig I alluded to here months ago.
The reason I went to Tulsa, that I couldn’t share…
I got to visit the set of “Reservation Dogs,” one of the very best shows on TV, (via Hulu/FX) to make a photo essay that was finally published this week, on HuffPost.
Devery Jacobs, the actor, writer and film-maker who plays Elora Danan Postoak, one of the main characters. She’s also a member of the writer’s room, having penned Season 2’s heart-rending episode “Mabel.” 
Lane Factor, from Oklahoma, plays scene-stealer “Cheese,” who is known for his honesty, positive energy, and clear communication. In Season 2’s Episode “Stay Gold Cheesy Boy,” Cheese’s brief interactions with other young men, (in a group home,) leave them better people than before they met him.
I promise to do a more in-depth piece on the entire experience at some point, because my three days in Oklahoma were as memorable as I’ve had in quite some time.
Despite years of traveling the US, Tulsa, and Okmulgee, (on the Muskogee Nation,) were among the most affecting, and at times dispiriting, places I’ve been.
A motorbike suspended in the air for an auto-body shop sign, on Oklahoma Avenue in Okmulgee, on the Muscogee Nation. The town was used as a location for many scenes in “Reservation Dogs. A parking lot on Oklahoma Avenue, in Okmulgee, not far from the Bear Smallhill home location. I dig the HuffPost edit, but eventually I’ll share more of the outtakes, (like the image above,) and hopefully shape them into a proper series.
But all of that is to come.
Today, I wanted to reconnect, let you know I was still alive, and point in the direction of some of the best work I’ve made in my career.
I’ll be back again soon, but probably not tomorrow.
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Sunshine and Olly 